As our attitudes have started to open up when it comes to sex and sexuality, many things that were once considered taboo, or only for a certain sub-set of the population, are making their way into bedrooms up and down the country and around the world.
Anal play in particular has been something that was only talked about in very hushed tones. Gone are the days when playing with your bum is considered ‘gay’ – many a straight man enjoy exploring the delights of anal sex. And thanks to the adult toy industry, there are more ways than ever before to get your kicks when it comes to bum fun.
But before we get onto the toys, lets break down the ins and outs of the prostate and prostate massage. So grab a cup of tea, put your feet up and let’s go…!
What is the Prostate?
The Prostate is a small walnut-shaped gland that is located just underneath the bladder. The general purpose of the prostate is to produce an alkaline fluid that makes up 50-75% of the volume of semen during ejaculation
When a man ejaculates, sperm is transmitted from the testicles, into the urethra via the ejaculatory glands, which lie within the prostate. This process can be achieved solely through prostate stimulation (prostate massage) or anal sex.
How do I find my Prostate?
The best way of locating your prostate initially is digitally (using a finger). Using a bit of lube on your finger and insert into the anus. The prostate can be reached about 3 inches into the anal cavity – and if you bend your finger into a ‘come hither’ motion (so that you are essentially pointing to your tummy) – you should feel a small gland that feels like a walnut. This is the prostate. Don’t be alarmed if you don’t find it straight away. Everybody is a little bit different, and it can take practice to find it. But that’s part of the fun!
What is Prostate Massage?
Simply, Prostate Massage can serve 2 functions. Medically, it is used to check for Prostate Cancer, or to help get a specimen of Expressed Prostate Secretion (EPS) to check for conditions such as Prostatitis. However, over the years it has become a popular sexual activity among men (and not just gay men).
The main purpose of prostate massage is to achieve orgasm. The prostate is often referred to as the ‘male g-spot’. Prostate stimulation can help improve erection size and strength, and increase the overall power of an orgasm (more so than just standard penile stimulation). Many men perform it during solo masturbation, or as part of couple’s foreplay/intercourse. You can achieve prostate massage through various means: digitally (fingering), anal sex or using toys (although it doesn’t have to be a prostate massager specifically – it can be a dildo or a butt plug).
What are Prostate Massagers?
Prostate Massagers are toys made with the explicit purpose of massaging the prostate. They come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, but most follow a standard design, and this is a curved shaft with a tapered tip, to provide pin-point stimulation to the prostate.
Most prostate massagers offer a vibration function, providing a new sensation during prostate play. Others are just standard plugs (such as Aneros), which are used manually to provide stimulation. What type of massager you use is entirely personal preference. Some people like vibrations, some don’t – but there are plenty of different types of massager to choose from, for beginners, right up to the advanced player.
How to use a prostate massager?
Dependent on the exact shape and design of the toy, your usage will generally be the same, but with a few exceptions. To ensure maximum comfort when inserting any toy, the easiest way I have found is to lie on my side with my knees pulled up towards my stomach. You could lie on your back with your legs raised. The best thing to do is just experiment and find what works best for you.
Once you have found the toy for you, what you do next entirely depends on the function and design of the toy. Manual massagers like the Aneros range are best used by working your pelvic floor muscles – so when the device is inserted, you ‘clench’. Lay back, take it slowly – breathe in when you clench, breathe out when you release. The gentle movement of the massager is enough to stimulate the prostate. You do not need to use your hands to ‘move it in and out’.
With a vibrating toy, you can still apply the same ‘clench/release’ idea, but in reality, the vibrations from the massager will come into direct contact with the prostate. Some massagers have a base that rests against the perineum (the bit between your bum and your balls) – and when the prostate is stimulated from the outside, as well as inside – it really is an amazing feeling.
If you are using your fingers to give a prostate massage, make sure that your nails are trimmed. You can use a latex or nitrile gloves for hygiene if it helps. Once you have lubed up the finger and the anus, slowly insert. About 3 inches in, if you curve your finger upwards slightly you should then feel the prostate – it will feel slightly hard and wrinkly. All you will want to do is apply gentle pressure – move your finger round in circles. Do not forcefully ‘poke’ or ‘prod’ the prostate – as it is extremely sensitive and you could do some serious damage! If you are doing this yourself, stop at once if you feel any pain. If you are doing it for someone else, you’ll need to rely on them to tell you – but to be on the safe side, always go gently and slowly.
How to choose a prostate massager
Choosing the toy that’s right for you comes down to both preference and experience. If you are completely new to prostate massage, I would recommend initially going for something very small, or even just using your fingers. You need to ensure that whatever you use, you take your time and use PLENTY of Lube. It’s also important to be relaxed and not get frustrated if nothing happens on your first go. As you get used to the sensations, you can then start to work your way up to something bigger. Below are a pick of toys that I have put into Beginners, Intermediates and Advanced categories.
These toys have been selected as being the ideal way to get into Prostate Massage. They are perfect because they are not intimidating in size, are simple and easy to use – ideal for those who are perhaps a little intimidated.
Bondara Smooth Silicone Prostate Probe
Whilst it didn’t score massively highly from me, the Smooth Silicone Prostate Probe by Bondara is definitely worth checking out if you are a nOOb to prostate pleasure. It’s simple, non-intimidating design makes it easy and comfortable to use, and the vibrations are powerful (if slightly buzzy). It’s also waterproof and USB rechargeable. You can check out the full review here.
Fun Factory Moody G5 Vibrator
This one might feel like an odd choice to put in the ‘beginners’ category, but I genuinely believe the Moody would have mass appeal. Strictly speaking, it’s not marketed as a prostate massager – more a general vibrator – but the anal safe design, with graduating shaft and curved tip, it is perfectly primed to give some serious sensations. It’s got a powerful, rumbly motor – but can also be quite gentle as well – and it’s half the price of most big end, luxury devices. And look at that colour! Check out our full review here.
MEO Stainless Steel Milking Stick
Again, possibly an odd choice here, but I think the Stainless Steel Milking Stick by MEO is just as great for beginners as it is for anyone. It’s shiny surface and smaller girth make insertion incredibly easy, and the handle allows you to experiment with positions and provide the stimulation exactly where you need it. Perfect for those who don’t need vibrations to get off. Check out our review here.
These toys have been chosen as the next step up – these will be slightly larger, or have more powerful vibrations. You’ll want to make sure that you take it nice and slow, and don’t rush to move on to the next level. Always take your time and move at a pace your body is comfortable with.
Aneros HELIX Syn Prostate Massager
A sleek and intense prostate massage with this redesign of the original Aneros Helix. Experience the same firm prostate stimulation from the popular Helix model with the bonus of a velvet-touch, high quality silicone form and a rigid inner frame. You can read my review of this toy here.
Tantus Prostate Play
Tantus is a brand that I simply adore. Not only are their toys made from the highest quality silicone, their whole marketing strategy is sex-positive and completely inclusive of all genders and sexualities. The Prostate Play is a static massager which has a removable bullet – so you can use it with our without vibrations. Upgrading the vibrations are simple – and I love to use my P-Play with the Tango by We-Vibe. You can check out the full review here.
LOKI was one of 3 new prostate toys that were launched towards the end of 2015. It was powerful, with a curved shaft designed to fit right against your sensitive, orgasmic spots. It’s size it’s approachable to those who are looking to step up their prostate play, and is waterproof, USB rechargeable and has several speeds and patterns. You can check out our full review here.
These toys are the best, and most advanced toys. These are typically on the pricey side, but quality comes with a price tag. These toys pack a big old punch, something that only the more experienced anal player can handle.
L’Amourose Rosa Extra Quiet G-Spot/P-Spot Vibrator
Exquisite G-spot or prostate stimulation is yours with the L’Amourose Rosa rechargeable vibe. Powerful, whisper-quiet vibrations are sent straight to your sensitive spots thanks to the Flex and Shift technology that adjusts the vibe to fit your body. It’s one of my all time favourite vibrators, and was the first toy to really show me how much fun you can have with your prostate. You can see the review here.
Nexus REVO Stealth
The REVO Stealth is one of the more highly sought after (and most searched) prostate massager. Combining vibrations around the perineum, and rotating internal shaft, the REVO Stealth is primed to give you the most explosive orgasms of your life. It doesn’t quite have the same effect as the Rosa or the HUGO, but it’s still LOTS of fun, but definitely one for those looking to advance their prostate play. Check out our full review here.
LELO HUGO Remote Controlled Prostate Massager.
This is a recent addition to the play box, but one that I have to put up there as one of the best. I’ve put it in the ‘advanced’ section, although I think realistically, this is one that has probably the widest appeal. It’s just expensive! It’s got dual motor’s like the Rosa, however it has a remote control which makes operation so much easier. Check out our full review here.
General Tips & Advice
- Whenever you are exploring anally – always use a good quality lubricant, and PLENTY of it! (My current favourites include this MEO Hybrid Lubricant and GiveLube Super Thick Anal Lubricant).
- Douching before hand can be advantageous. (Especially if you are uncomfortable with potential mess).
- Take things slowly and listen to your body. If anything hurts at any point, stop! Don’t think about using anything that’s designed to ‘numb’ the anal area.
- RELAX! Always make sure you are calm and relaxed – it helps make things easier.
- Don’t be disheartened if nothing happens for you – it can take months to train the prostate to react to stimulation. Others may find it happens first try. Either way, you are completely normal – as long as it feels good, keep trying!
- You can also stimulate the prostate using things like butt plugs, dildos or during anal intercourse. The important thing is to just have fun and explore what works best for you. Even if direct prostate stimulation doesn’t give you the hands-free SUPER-O that you are looking for, it’s still going to feel damn good, and any orgasm you have should be better, harder and stronger. But don’t fret – some people just don’t like it. We’re all different.
So what about you? What is your favourite prostate massager? Have you tried it? Do you prefer vibrations or no vibrations? Let me know in the comments section, or feel free to send me a message via the contact form.