2016 sees us celebrate 21 years of International Masturbation Month. Started by retailer Good Vibrations back in 1995, IMM (as I am going to abbreviate from now on) was started to help combat the taboo and stigma that often goes along side discussions on masturbation.
When I learnt to masturbate all those years ago, I embarked on a journey of self-discovery that would help shape me into the person that I am today. I am lucky that I had the relatively smooth and happy upbringing that I did, where the body was not something to be hidden or disgusted by. Curiosity was natural and encouraged.
I remember my first orgasm. It caught me by such surprise, that originally I genuinely thought I was about to wet myself, and I cut it short. I hadn’t felt that feeling before and it confused me. But at the same time, I was like “Oh my… that felt… like, really good…”
And I kept at it – like any normal, hormonal teenager would. I loved it. I would find any excuse I could to be on my own, whack it out and shoot a load. Even now, at 30 years old, I still enjoy and regularly engage in a little bit of self love, both with and without my husband. Although to be honest, with him is SO much more fun. And that’s why today, I wanted to talk to you about the joys of Mutual Masturbation.
Penetration does not equal sex
Sex is not always about the act of penetration. Sure, penetrative sex is what most people would generally think about when talking about sex – but in reality it’s so much more. Sex is a physical activity where 2 people (and in some cases, maybe more!) stimulate each other using hands, mouths, sex toys with the hope of leading to an orgasm. A blowjob is sex. A hand job is sex. You don’t have to physically penetrate someone in order to enjoy sex. Don’t get me wrong, I love anal sex (both giving and receiving) but some of the hottest and wildest sessions I have had, haven’t involved any penetration at all.
So what is mutual masturbation?
In simplest terms, the act of mutual masturbation is the simultaneous act of masturbation between (usually) 2 people – whether that’s stimulating each other or themselves. This can be done manually (by hand) or with the use of sex toys. Mutual Masturbation can perform part of your foreplay routine or it can be the main event – it’s really up to you.
Setting the scene
I’ve been with my husband for 12 years now, and it’s only the last few years that I’ve discovered that we both have a voyeuristic side – we like to watch each other. And that’s how it all started – with each of us at one end of the bed, watching each other masturbate. It was both highly arousing, and highly amusing, as I started to notice all the little ticks that he gets during sex. Whether it’s the little eyebrow twitches, or the lean-back head tilt of pleasure… it was so fun to watch. And there was a part of me that enjoying his reaction as he watched me pleasure myself. It was giving him pleasure too.
This is also a fantastic way of learning a bit more about what your partner likes – you can see what they enjoy, and you can then utilise it the next time you are playing together. Hell, even try it on yourself – you never know, you might like it too!
Keep it casual, and light. Perhaps have a few candles or some low lighting. Personally, I enjoy watching the way the candle light flickers over his glistening skin and it just enhances the romance factor.
Lean on me
When taking things to the next level, there’s nothing quite like body-to-body contact. Whether you lay end to end with legs interlocking, or just sat side by side. That extra dimension of touch introduces another layer of intimacy. At this point, you can consider masturbating each other. With careful placement of each other’s arms, you can take control and begin stroking or rubbing them whilst they stroke or rub you.
It’s a fine art, getting in sync with each other, but when it happens, it’s a truly magical moment. Your breathing and strokes are in time. Your bodies are touching and rubbing. It’s an intoxicating moment, made even more mind-blowing when you orgasm together. Bliss. To be fair, the amount of times we’ve both reached orgasm at the same time is fairly low – but it does happen. It’s all based on the moment we have created together.
Share the love
At this point, I want to add just a small disclaimer. Sharing toys with people that you are not fluid bonded with is probably not a good idea. If you still really want to go ahead; then consider using condoms.
I’ve built up quite a stockpile of masturbators in varying shapes and sizes. I love using them on my own, but I do love using them with/on my partner even more – especially when we share. I can sit there and watch him pound a Fleshjack, and then I can take a turn. Or we can use it on each other. But my absolute favourite, is those masturbators that we can both use at the same time. These will usually be toys that feature 2 orifices or are just long, open-ended tubes. We can take an end each and just go for it.
One of the first toys we tried this with, was this Head2Head stroker. It consisted of this long, flexible tube that was ribbed all along the inside. When we took it out for the first time, we knelt on the bed, facing each other and we both entered our respective ends. It was intense. I was staring him right in the eye, as we both slipped in and out of this wriggly tube. The toy itself was absolutely terrible – but for that one moment, it didn’t matter. We were close to each other, looking deep into each other’s eyes, moaning, sweating and kissing – it all felt so electric.
For me, this was still an intensely satisfying and erotic experience. And I’ve been on the look out for other toys that can help replicating that feeling. We recently added the Tom of Finland Vibrating Head 2 Head Stroker to our collection, and i’m happy to report it blew our minds.
What about Frottage?
I’ve decided to tack this on towards the end, because whilst technically, it’s classed as it’s own act, I think it can still count as mutual masturbation, when it’s genital-to-genital frottage.
Frottage is the act of stimulation by rubbing ones genitals with the buttocks, breasts, abdomen, thighs or other genitals of another person. This can be done naked or clothed (it’s sometimes referred to as dry-humping). It’s another way of experiencing sexual gratification and pleasure without penetration.
I like to lie on my back and have him lay on top, with our penises pressed together. We can then grind our hips, allowing the sensitive frenulum to be rubbed, producing amazing sensations. The orgasms that this can produce is just as satisfying as any orgasm achieved through penetrative intercourse. You still have the closeness, with bodies writhing together – it’s honestly, just such a good feeling.
Other ways that you can enjoy it is by simply kneeling (or standing) in front of each other, and simply rubbing and stroking each other that way. If it’s more comfortable, having one of you lie on their back, whilst the other kneels in-between their legs, and gripping both together and stroking that way. Much like the side-by-side masturbation, when you both blow your load at the same time, it’s just such a happy moment. And it helps me feel closer to my partner.
So that’s my first post for IMM – hopefully over the next couple of weeks, there will be some more posts. If there is anything in particular you would like to read or see here at The Big Gay Review, please feel free to leave a comment, share your stories or pass on your ideas. It’s all appreciated.
Just remember. Masturbation is both fun and NORMAL. Enjoy.
Until Next time.