When I got into reviewing sex toys, I thought nothing would shock me. I’m a pretty open-minded guy, but even I couldn’t prepare myself for when someone mentioned Bad Dragon to me. When I went to have a look at what was on offer, I gasped in disbelief.

I have to admit, my first (and uninformed) thought was “Who on earth would use something like THAT?” – as I browsed the selection of werewolf, dragon and shark dicks. “WHY?” was the word that kept going around in my head. It wasn’t just the fantasy shapes either… I’d seen some photos of proud owners with their favourite toys and they were HUGE. ENORMOUS. My butthole whimpered and said “don’t you even THINK about it”.

And that’s how it was for a long time. But, there was a part of me that was always just a teensy bit curious. Several well-respected bloggers raved about Bad Dragon and I sort of felt it was my duty to at least give one a try. And so towards the end of last year, I bit the bullet and fired them an email. And thus, Roland the Rattleyote was soon winging his way to me from across the pond. I’m not going to lie… I was extremely nervous. And then he arrived.

About Bad Dragon

There is so much to cover in this review that I thought we’d get the nitty gritty bits out the way first. Bad Dragon burst onto the scene back in 2008, with the goal of pushing material technology and creating a robust array of fantasy products, to meet a growing demand for dildos that didn’t look like they had been lopped off some poor dude.

They have so much to offer – not just in terms of shape – but everything from the colour, to the firmness of the silicone is all completely customisable. You can add suction cups or ‘cum’ tubes to almost any toy. Alternatively, if you don’t want to wait for the perfect toy to be built, they have an inventory of ready made products. It’s not just dildos either. Did you ever fancy getting a blowjob from a Dragon? Or how about fucking a shark? No problem because BD craft a range of fantasy masturbators too. There is literally so much to choose from. I never even knew this world existed until I started blogging. 

Crafting your perfect Bad Dragon Toy

So as I mentioned, you can personalise any of their toys to your hearts desire. And the process could not be simpler. First of all, you need to choose what design is for you. For the purposes of this review, we’ll choose Roland.

Most (but not all) of the BD dildos come in a range of sizes – perfect for beginners, right up to you insatiable size queens. Roland starts at MINI and goes all the way up to ‘EXTRA LARGE’. As someone who is fairly comfortable when it comes to shoving things up my bum, I went for a MEDIUM as the small was, well too small for me, and the LARGE would have been too much! At this point, I would like to point out my arse is NOT Goldilocks. At the bottom of the product page, you’ll see a list of all the pre-made toys available, but there is a link to ‘Configure your own toy’.

After choosing your size, it’s time to choose the FIRMNESS. Now, as I’ve only tried one product, I cannot give you a lot of info about the differences between the SOFT, MEDIUM and FIRM configurations. Check out this awesome video by Gritty Woman who covers the differences in detail. It was based off this, that I chose MEDIUM.

The next decision is CUM TUBE. A tube is placed through the core of the dildo, allowing you to indulge in various ejaculation scenarios. You get a free bottle of their Cum Lube as well as a syringe if you choose this option. I chose to have this option, as I wanted to cover all bases.

Next up, SUCTION CUP. What BD do, is craft the base with a concave area, which acts as a suction cup, allowing the toy to be stuck to the wall or floor and used hands free. I went for this option (natch).

Lastly, you need to choose a COLOUR. This is where you can really go wild. Each toy will have a couple of ‘exclusive’ colours, as well as a selection of more standard colours. You can have splits, marbles, fades… and you can select almost any colour and BD will do their utmost best to craft something as close as possible to the colours you have chosen. I went for a standard Split Midnight Aquatic colour. And thus, Roland was born. Typically, a custom toy can take anywhere from 2-3 weeks to be crafted (then add on shipping time as well).

Crafting your perfect Bad Dragon dildo is not all that complicated and if you have the patience, it is a good feeling when you receive a product that (in a way) you have designed. But now, it’s time to get down to what you’ve all come to read. Let’s put Roland through his paces.

First Impressions 

Roland arrived in a very non-descript box with the customs label plastered on top. Unfortunately, I was out when it was delivered, so it had gone to my neighbour. When my husband picked it up, they did enquire as to what a ‘silicone model’ was – and to this day, I still haven’t come up with a convincing answer, but thankfully I haven’t seen them since it arrived so maybe all is forgotten.

Inside the box, there was a lovely little layer of tissue paper, and underneath that, there was a plastic bag, adorned with a large Bad Dragon logo. Roland was inside, waiting to be let out. I was still feeling incredibly anxious at this point. I was still in the mindset of “Oh god, why have I chosen to do this?” But as I pulled Roland out from the bag, and held it in my hands… I felt a strange sort of calm and uttered “Ooooh…”

Inside the box as well, were 2 bottles of Bad Dragon’s ‘famous’ cum lube (in both white and clear varieties) as well as the syringe and then a nice little BD Lanyard as well. At the very bottom of the box was a tiny drawing of a panda. It was extremely random but oh so very cute. What a nice little touch.

I carefully pulled Roland from the bag and gave him a good squeeze. Even in the ‘MEDIUM’ firmness, he was still VERY SOFT. I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything quite like it. It’s stupidly flexible and squishy. In fact, when it’s standing up, Roland tends to lean to one side. But at this point, I was just more mesmerised by it’s overall appearance. I could now understand why so many people enjoyed using BD toys. Once you get past the whole ‘fantasy’ element, I’m left holding a beautifully sculpted toy, in a shape unlike I have ever seen before. And for the first time, I was genuinely excited to give it a try.

So my Roland in medium stands at 8.5 inches tall, with an insertable portion of 7.5 inches. Around the tip, it has a 4.5 inch circumference which widens to 5.25 inches before reaching the epic 6.5 inch knot towards the base. My Roland also has a cum-tube fitted, along with a suction cup base. For the first few hours outside of the box, I just found myself holding it, squishing it and just generally admiring it.

In Use

On day one, when the Mr. arrived home, I showed it to him. He wasn’t quite sure what to make of it at first. That night, we were in the process of ‘testing’ out some other pieces, when I brought up the Roland to experiment with the cum tube. I just wanted to see what it would look like. I laid a towel down on the bed, placed Roland in the centre and grabbed the bottle of white cum lube. At first, the lube looked incredibly runny in the bottle.

I grabbed the syringe and carefully extracted enough to fill it about half way. As I pulled the syringe away from the bottle, this was when I discovered how incredibly stringy this lube was. Cue audible giggles, exclamations of ‘OH! It’s SO SLIMY!” and general amazement that this lube even exists. After attaching the syringe to the end of the tube, I began to inject it through Roland and within seconds, the creamy white splooge was oozing out the top of Roland and dribbling down the side. Whilst it didn’t ‘erupt’ with the same gusto as a proper ejaculation, there was an element of “Oh man… that just looks… that’s freaky”.

The lube itself is VERY slippery, but indeed – extremely stringy to the point it didn’t really look like cum – more like… ectoplasm or something. But in a way, I kind of liked that. A small amount of lube rubbed into the toy made it perfectly slick and slippery, ready for insertion.

Speaking of which, the first time I took Roland for a test drive, I decided that I would attempt him without a prior warm up first. Whilst he’s not massive, he’s also not small – but I figured his extremely squishy nature would be an advantage here. I also decided I would forego using the cum lube on this session, and just stuck with my old faithful hybrid lube.

The tip of the Roland is ‘tapered’ to some extent, and despite the softness, with little effort the tip slid right inside. Without even thinking about it, I was already down to the knot before I felt anything. Because of that delightful marshmallow texture, it actually felt like it was a much smaller toy, at least until you got to that knot. Oh boy, that knot.

So on my first attempt, I was not able to conquer the knot. Which I was really annoyed about as the material was SO SOFT; I thought it would have slipped in relatively easily. But it didn’t and I totally blame my mind for that. Subconsciously, I was most likely thinking DUDE! HAVE YOU ACTUALLY SEEN THE SIZE OF THAT? I’M NOT READY. But I’m never one to shy away from a challenge. I would just have to come back to it another day.

It was around about the fourth time I took it out for a spin, that I finally managed to get myself to relax enough to finally take the whole entire length of the Roland in. And it’s still only happened the once. Because that one time was uncomfortable – but NOT because of the actual toy, but rather my own anatomy was failing me. I must have been reaching my upper limit. I generally tend to not usually go that deep with a toy and I think I definitely still need some practice.

I definitely think that next time, if I was to go for a similarly proportioned toy, I would go for it in a firmer texture – to be fair, whilst the Roland isn’t heavily textured, it does have some gorgeous bulges and curves in the shaft, which unfortunately were lost because it was just a little too soft. But, I’m still glad that I went with the configuration I did for my first ever introduction to Bad Dragon – it has certainly given me a lot of food for thought. And of course, it still felt pleasant and I have to say, I enjoyed myself a lot more than I thought I would – and I can definitely say I understand the appeal a bit more – once you get past the fantasy creature idea.

Use with the cum-tube was also interesting. It actually did work really well as a sort of, internal lube delivery system – so I could keep things nice and slippery inside – and then of course, it was also fun to reach orgasm and then have the toy follow suit. There was a slight “Oh that’s a weird feeling….” moment when I had gotten a bit carried away with squirting lube and as the toy popped out, there was an warm dribbling sensation down the back of my leg. I suppose if your big into ‘cream pies’ then maybe this is a plus?!

I also want to applaud Bad Dragon on their cum-lube. Just for the shear authenticity. By that, I mean how it acted once outside of the bottle. When squirted into water, it ‘clumped’ like regular spunk does. It had the same sort of consistency – although thankfully my own is NOT anywhere near as stringy as this. But it is indeed super slippery and lasted for a long time.

Clean-up and Maintenance

My Roland needs a little extra care and attention because of the fact he has that cum-tube and the hole at the top. You’ll want to make sure that you give it a thoroughly good wash through. The best way is to fill your syringe with warm water and continuously flush it through – until you are happy everything is completely clean. Lube will get stuck in the shaft (and tube) and this has been the best way of getting it all out.

The dildo itself can be rinsed with water and toy cleaner, or you can put it in the dishwasher, boil it, bleach it etc. Storage – well this one is a little bit trickier as it is sort of larger than most of my other toys, also much softer and to some extent, is an even bigger dust magnet than all the rest of my dildos combined. So because of that, and there’s the fact I need to store the syringe and cum-tube with it – I have taken to storing it inside a zip-lock bag. Cheap, but effective.

Summary

So my overall experience with my first ever Bad Dragon toy has been a pretty successful one, even if it was initially something a little outside of my comfort zone. However I’m glad that I did push myself to try one of these toys – it is always nice to try something completely new – and I know a lot of people may be put off my using things like realistic dildos – and perhaps might be more interested in exploring this in more detail. I can definitely say that I’m already planning what my next Bad Dragon toy might be like.

So whom would I recommend this to? Absolutely anyone who has an appreciation for things that are slightly quirky, and off base; someone who wants to create their own unique toy, and just have fun. It’s not cheap by any stretch of the imagination, but when you take into account the fact that you have a good amount of control over what your toy looks like, it makes that premium a little easier to swallow.

Where To Buy

So a Roland in my configuration, would set you back $125 (excluding shipping). This is roughly £87 at today’s exchange rate. Of course, the price will vary based on what your configuration is. Smaller toys would be cheaper, larger toys would be more expensive etc. Order your Roland here. (Please also bear in mind customs/import fees if you are purchasing from outside of the US). 

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I would like to thank Bad Dragon for sending me this configured Roland The Rattleyote free of charge, in exchange for my honest review. This does not sway or affect my opinion in anyway, and all thoughts and opinions presented here 100% my own. Affiliate links have not been used in this post.