In the words of Monty Python… And now for something completely different.

So just before christmas, I was contacted by a german toy manufacturer called Lumunu, who asked if I would be interested in reviewing some of their products, as they were trying to break into the english market. I of course said I was more than happy too, and I was able to choose the products that I was most interested in reviewing. One of those items was a “Sweet Ass” masturbator. When the package of goodies finally arrived in January, I was a little surprised to see that instead of the ass I requested, I was sent a vagina. Now I could have complained, and demanded that I be sent the right product – but at the same time, I’m trying to diversify and attract new readers… and at the end of the day, it’s not ‘real’… So for science, I said “Oh what the hell! How bad can it be?”

Among some of the other items that Lumunu sent included 2 vibrating butt plugs, a stainless steel butt plug, an anal vibrator and a silicone g-spot vibrator. Review for these will be coming up over the next week or so. So stay tuned. But for now, let’s see how I got on with my first vagina.

First Impressions

So Lumunu currently operate from Germany, but sell a few of their products through Amazon UK. This particular item is not yet available on Amazon (at least, I couldn’t find it anyway). One thing that has impressed me with Lumunu so far, is how great the packaging for the products are. All items are sealed inside white boxes which feature the Lumunu branding. No sordid or graphic images. They’re almost completely discreet. Around the edges, printed words spell out HAVE MORE FUN.

The box for this particular product was bulging as the toy inside was clearly just a bit too big for it. Inside, you get the masturbator, a sachet of lube, a care and maintenance guide and a storage bag. Now Unfortunately in this instance – the storage bag inside is just far too small to store the toy in. It’s a bugger to try and squeeze in, but also, the masturbator was already getting covered in bits of black fluff from the bag – so you’d be better off using the bag for something else and just keeping this in something like a Ziplock bag.

The masturbator is made from TPE and feels very similar to cyber-skin. This means that the material is porous, so a good care routine is needed in order to keep this in tip top condition. The masturbator measures 5″ in length, 8″ in circumference and has a canal diameter of 0.4″.

In Use

OK, so I put off using this for so long, because I didn’t even know if I could. I know it’s not real, but when I use things like this, I like to think I’m sliding into some hot young tight ass. I’ve not plundered the depths of a vagina (real or fake) before so it was certainly going to be an experience. Now, I haven’t seen that many vajay-jays – so I’m not 100% certain how ‘realistic’ the detailing is – but I would go out on a limb and say that the labia and clitoral hood seemed fairly accurate (based on a google search). I’m sorry, but I don’t look at vagina’s that much, so it’s all foreign down there to me.

The inside of the masturbator has lots of little lumps and bumps – in fact, I can’t really describe the texture inside – it’s unlike anything I’ve ever encountered in a masturbator before, and I’ve tried my fair share of those! The outside of the masturbator has a ‘wrinkled’ effect (not sure why) but it does make holding the masturbator very easy, even if you have got slightly slippery hands.

So the time had come to give it a try. I’ve never felt so nervous about trying to use a toy before – but I knew all this was, was just a matter of getting myself in the mood. So with the help of my favourite man’o’man action blaring on the bedroom TV, I soon found myself ready to ‘dive in’. With a generous sloshing of water-based lube, I slipped in, closing my eyes. Now, ignoring the fact that this is supposed to be a vagina, the texture inside felt very ‘generic’ stroker like. It felt really nice, don’t get me wrong – but it was nothing special. Now this doesn’t mean that I will be reviewing more fake vagina’s on the blog – this really is a one-off – but I have to admit, I didn’t hate it. As I got closer to orgasm, the little bumpy texture inside was really tickling the head of my penis, to the point that when I came, my body shuddered as each subsequent stroke or movement grazed my now super-sensitive tip. It had done the job, so I guess I can’t really complain?

Clean-up and Maintenance

As this is a cyberskin material, you will want to give it a through clean with warm, soapy water and give a good spritz of toy cleaner. The sleeve is quite thick, so turning it inside out can be a little bit tricky, but it’s not impossible. Make sure it is thoroughly dry both inside and out and before you store it away, make sure you give it a light dusting of renewer powder, otherwise you will find it goes sticky and attracts dust and hair. As i mentioned earlier, the storage bag provided is a bit too small, but I also wouldn’t have recommended using it anyway, as either dye from the bag, or just the ‘fluffy’ outer coating on the bag had imprinted into the material in the few weeks it had been sat in the box waiting for me to review it. Best keeping this stored in a ziplock bag (which you can put a small amount of renewer powder in as well) to help keep it soft, smooth and clean.

Summary

OK, so yeah – this was definitely an interesting review to write. I mean, technically speaking – it’s just a bit of TPR, but for me, using sex toys is a way of living out certain fantasies in a safe and controlled way – so having a vagina on the end of my penis is certainly not something I would ever have thought would happen – but it did, it wasn’t horrible – but let’s not get carried away.

As for the toy itself – you get what you pay for when it comes to these cyberskin vagina’s and asses. In this instance, I’m almost tempted to say this is slightly better quality than some – there is no horrible chemical smell like you can get with some masturbators.

The texture inside was certainly pleasing, but it felt pretty much like any other masturbator I’ve used before, so I wasn’t really experiencing anything unique. I will say that if you’ve never had a masturbator before, and you are looking for something cheap to start off with – then something like this wouldn’t necessarily be a bad investment, at least to start off with.

But for me, when it comes to indulging in mindless fantasy, I certainly prefer to use something that’s a bit more masculine in appearance.

You can order this toy direct from Lumunu where it currently retails for €19.99 (which is approximately £14.83 at today’s rate).

This item was sent to me by Lumunu in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion or experiences with the product in anyway. All experiences and opinions reported here are 100% my own.  Affiliate Links have not been used within this post. 

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