Wow, it’s been 6 whole months since our last proper ‘Sexy Thoughts’ post. I sometimes wonder why I actually write them, as I’m sure nobody reads them, or are interested in them. But then I remember that some of the time, I just want to write for me.
I decided this week, that for the first time, I would participate in one of these meme things; in particular, the ‘Kink of the Week’, as the topic up for discussion is something that I am very much interested in. Yes, that’s right, we are talking about anal sex. We’ve talked about it briefly on the blog before; we have our ‘Anal Sex 101‘ which gives some advice for those who are looking into enjoying some backdoor fun for the first time.
But today, I wanted to talk to you about why anal sex is so important to me, and why I love it so much. You may not even care, you might be thinking ‘Erm, TMI?!’. And if that’s the case, fine! Anal sex isn’t for everyone. And you know what? That’s OK too! I am surprised at the amount of emails I get from people who explain that they have a partner who wants to try anal, but they really don’t want to. At the end of the day, your body is your body; you play by your rules. If it’s not something that interests you in anyway, then don’t do it! You should never feel pressured into doing something you don’t want to. But that’s for another post, another day.
So, the first time I had anal, I was 16 years old (the age of consent was equalised in 2001). I had been seeing someone who I met through a website called Faceparty. We had fooled around before, but we’d never really gone any further than a few hand jobs and some oral. One Saturday, when he arranged to visit me, he had told me he wanted to ‘go further’, and being the excitable hormonal teenager I was, I was all for it. That night, I experienced anal sex for the first time. I have to be perfectly honest, as first times go, it wasn’t the best.
He was very… eager, and experienced. I was incredibly nervous, but also excited; they seemed to enjoy it so much in the movies I had watched, so this should have been a great experience! But what the videos don’t show (or tell you) is that to fully enjoy anal sex, you need a partner who is prepared to communicate with you. I didn’t even think about ‘warming up’ or thinking about what position was going to be more comfortable for me. It would appear, he was more concerned with his own pleasure and satisfaction. After we had finished, I was definitely under the impression that receiving was not for me. So for the next couple of years, anal was off the cards for me.
I met my husband in 2004, shortly after my 18th birthday. Our first date was 2 weeks after we first started speaking to each other (yes, I met him online as well – but that’s also another story for another time). Our second date saw us hopping into bed for some fun, but nothing heavy. And that’s how it was for a few months. I think deep down, I was still feeling slightly self-conscious about my previous experiences, so when I decided I wanted to try anal for the first time with him, I basically had to get drunk in order to bring up the courage to even ask for it. But he was a gentleman. He was very understanding, and said he would take care of everything.
The night it happened, I arrived at this flat as I would normally do on a Friday night (and as always, he would still be getting ready when I arrived). We spent our date nights watching movies, eating ice cream and then things would get hot and heavy on the couch before we would move into the bedroom. He would lead me into his room, and we would stand in front of his full length mirror on his wardrobe, and disrobe. We would gently climb onto his bed, and our legs and arms would become entwined as we kissed and grinded against each other. I enjoyed being close with him. Having his arms wrapped around me, squeezing me right. His warm breath on the nape of my neck. Our sweaty bodies writhing in unison. Before long, I wanted more. I wanted to feel him inside me.
He lay on his back, and I climbed on top. He held his hands on my waist and looked at me quietly. “Take it slow” he whispered to me. I nodded. I could feel him pressing against my hole and I was shaking with anticipation. “Just relax, take it slow, and if you need to stop, stop” he said, calmly. I could feel myself loosen up, and slowly, I began to lower myself onto him. Initially, I was greeted with pain. I winced, and he instinctively pulled away. “Are you OK?” He said. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just wasn’t quite ready!”. He stroked my thighs and told me to take it as slow as I needed too. With another deep breath, I began to lower myself down, this time, fully prepared for the pain. This time, it wasn’t as bad; and after what seemed like hours, he was inside me. I was shaking, and experiencing a sensation I hadn’t really felt before. It was pain, but it was also pleasurable. I could feel this odd feeling towards the pit of my stomach. I liked it. I wanted more.
I raised myself, and then slowly dropped myself down again. He held firmly onto my waist and began to slowly thrust himself. With each stroke, it was a mild flash of pain, followed by a deeper roll of pleasure. I closed my eyes and leant backwards. He never took his eyes of me. He watched intently, waiting for any sign I was in discomfort, or not enjoying myself. All memories of the past were gone. He knew exactly what he was doing, and I was lost in the moment. I could feel myself reaching the point of orgasm. When I was finally at the point of no return, I went completely light-headed. I don’t think I’d ever shot as much as I did then. I was in utter shock.
Afterwards, we would lie there and he would just hold me in his arms. We would still be wet and sticky, and the unmistakeable heady scent of sex would be in the air, but I was comfortable. I was happy. I felt closer to him than I had ever felt with anyone. My hesitations about anal sex were beginning to melt away. And here we are, almost 14 years later. And I still love it. Penetration is always a deeply intimate act. But it’s an intimacy that stretches beyond just ‘sex’. It’s like at that moment, we are one energy; we are synced. Our bodies are moving together, in almost perfect harmony. At that precise moment, I just feel safe. The way his arms wrap around me, grip me tight and pull me deeper onto him. The way his brow is beaded with sweat as he thrusts. The way my hips tremble as I urge him to go faster, harder. The way his body shakes as he pulls out and unloads over my back. The way he collapses down on top of me and bites my ear, as I arch my hips to press against his crotch. I close my eyes and I am complete. That’s why I absolutely love anal.
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