The most difficult product reviews to write, are the ones where the toy is just ‘meh’. Like, it doesn’t do enough to really wow me, but then I don’t really hate it either. It’s made especially more difficult when you forget you even have the toy to review! Ooops…

Yeah, apologies for that.  We’ve been a little distracted over here at TBGR headquarters and I dropped the ball on this one. So, SheVibe – I’m sorry. Can you forgive me? Yes? GOOD! Hurrah! Let’s get on with this long overdue review…

So, I’ve never tried a JimmyJane vibrator before. I’d read in the past that they were kind of… well, unimpressive shall we say? But when the new Ascend line came out, there were a few whispers of ‘You know, it isn’t all that bad’, so I was very curious to maybe try one out for the first time. The Ascend 7 Dual-ended Vibrator caught my eye as it was… different to the others (and it also reminded me of the Adrien Lastic 2X and I thought it couldn’t possibly be as bad as that, right?).

The lovely people over at SheVibe kindly arranged for this to be sent over for review, and then I promptly hid it and completely forgot about it, because I am a complete moron. Honestly, I swear I’m getting more forgetful as I get older. What was I doing again? Oh yes!

First Impressions

The Ascend 7 is a weird looking thing. It’s long, bendy, flexible and has 2 vibrating heads. The idea being that you can use this in almost any way. I like the idea of toys that are just like ‘you do you’ and let you use them in whatever the hell way you want. I had a few ideas on how I could use this, but I’ll get to those in a bit.

The Ascend 7 comes in a fairly simplistic cardboard box which is tasteful in design, and the vibrator rests in a flimsy plastic tray. It’s waterproof, USB rechargeable and coated in luxurious silky-smooth silicone. It features 3 modes, each with 3 levels of intensity (9 different options in total). On a full charge, it will run for about 2 hours.

The Ascend 7 is approximately 23.5 inches, end to end. Each insertable head is about 4 inches long, and features a large rounded tip, which slims right down at the end. At the widest point, it has a circumference of 4.25 inches.

In Use

After charging it up for the first time, I grabbed it and turned it on (it’s operated by a single push button which is right in the very centre of the Ascend 7. What I got initially was a surprisingly good little rumble. The vibrations seemed fairly decent on the lower speed, and whilst there is an element of buzziness here, I would definitely say it was more rumble than buzz. Already, I had high hopes. Unfortunately, as you increase the power, that rumble disappears and soon becomes more of a buzz. Also, the power difference between the 3 speeds is not all that much. If you are looking for a really powerful vibrator, this is not it.

The 2 other settings are basically an increasing/decreasing wave pattern, and lastly a sort of pulsing setting. Again, on the lower setting, these feel OK with a good amount of rumble, which sadly disappears once you increase the intensity. Still, I must continue on in the good name of science; maybe things will improve when we actually start using it.

So the first thing I tried, was using the ends to stimulate the penis. I know my body reacts well to it, and my penis is not fuzzy when it comes to the depth of the vibrations (just as long as they are strong!). Resting the underside of the Ascend 7 against my frenulum, I turned it on. Whilst the vibrations are not amazingly strong, they still did elicit a positive reaction, that improved as I turned the toy onto it’s highest setting. So far, so good.

The 2 other settings are basically an increasing/decreasing wave pattern, and lastly a sort of pulsing setting. Again, on the lower setting, these feel OK with a good amount of rumble, which sadly disappears once you increase the intensity. Still, I must continue on in the good name of science; maybe things will improve when we actually start using it.

So the first thing I tried, was using the ends to stimulate the penis. I know my body reacts well to it, and my penis is not fuzzy when it comes to the depth of the vibrations (just as long as they are strong!). Resting the underside of the Ascend 7 against my frenulum, I turned it on. Whilst the vibrations are not amazingly strong, they still did elicit a positive reaction, that improved as I turned the toy onto it’s highest setting. So far, so good.

As this was dual ended, I decided to bring the other side over, and press that on the opposite side of my penis, so now the vibrations were encapsulating the tip. This was definitely a good idea. For me, personally, it felt really nice. The vibrations are not drastically strong, so it didn’t have me reaching orgasm in super quick time like say, the Doxy or Palm Power does; but after a little time, it did allow me to reach that good point, and it was pretty decent. It did require a lot of patience though, as the first time I tried it, I got bored and lost interest. But with a bit of persistence, we got there.

So the next thing I tried, was inserting one end anally, and then aimed to use the other end to stimulate externally. Whilst the Ascend 7 is not the girthiest of toys, it’s slightly awkward shape doesn’t allow for the easiest anal insertion. But it did go in, and thanks to the long flexible cable in the middle, it was still long enough to reach my penis. Once again, I turned it on and this time, we were getting the buzz inside my butt, whilst I used the other end to massage my penis and perineum.

Unfortunately, this didn’t really do anything for me here. The heads of the Ascend 7 are not the right shape or length to apply any sort of pressure to the prostate, it just sort of tickled by butthole. That’s not to say it wasn’t a nice feeling, but it’s not enough to make me come. And I realised that I need both ends on my penis to have the outcome I desired. This meant I could already see this falling flat when used with a partner. It is regrettable that I must concede that the Ascend 7 is not for me, and probably isn’t really for those of us with either a penis or a prostate (or both).

Clean-up and Maintenance

The Ascend 7 is made from silicone and is completely waterproof, so clean-up is an absolute breeze. A quick rinse with some warm water and toy cleaner would be enough. For a so-called ‘luxury’ brand like JimmyJane, I was surprised to find that they didn’t include a storage bag with the vibrator. Whilst I don’t necessarily always use them, it’s always nice to have an option, and when you are spending a lot of money on a toy like this, it’s the very least you can do.

Summary

There is part of me that is like ‘OK, so this toy let’s you make the rules’, and I kind of like that. The box doesn’t hit you with any suggested uses, it’s like, just go away and have some fun, see what works for you. And that’s exactly what I did. It’s just unfortunate that most of those ways didn’t really work. At least, not for me.

When using it to stimulate the penis, it worked quite well. The problem is, I have lots of other toys that work even better, so it’s unlikely this will ever really get used again, for that purpose. When used anally, the shape isn’t really right, and again, the vibrations are just not up to my standards. Yes, I have standards. If the shape was slightly different, and the vibrations were a shade stronger and not so buzzy, we might have been onto something really good here. It makes me say, OK; so take the shape of the Adrien Lastic, but infuse it with the vibrations of the Ascend 7… and we might have something.

So I don’t think it’s an awful product, per se. There will be someone out there who will enjoy this, and it will work for them wonderfully. It’s unfortunately not me.

Where to Buy

You can pick up the Ascend 7 from SheVibe for $89.99 (around £70). Delivers to US/UK/CA/AU.

I would like to thank SheVibe for sending us the JimmyJane Ascend 7 free of charge in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect our thoughts or experiences with this or any other product we review. Affiliate links have been used in this post.