This was one of those products that I thought was going to be incredibly gimmicky, and just be a down-right turn off.
When I suggested getting it to my husband, even he was a bit like “Oh, erm… I’m not too sure about that one…”. However, I’m not one to be put off easily, and generally speaking, I have always enjoyed what Fleshlight / Fleshjack come up with. And to be honest, I was the teenager that had a huge crush on Spike from Buffy The Vampire Slayer growing up. I also happen to be a fan of ‘that gay vampire show’ “True Blood” (ah, Eric Northman…sigh) so I guess on some level, there was some weird, twisted fantasy element attached to this as well. And let’s face it, Count Cockula is a brilliant name, and if it hasn’t already been made into a gay porno – SHOTGUN, OK?
Fleshjack have kept things nice and simple here, however unlike their regular fleshlight units – this is the complete opposite of discreet – it’s designed to look like an oversized can of drink, and is emblazoned with the words ‘Count Cockula’ in huge letters. It comes packaged in a clear plastic tube, and inside is just a small paper insert with care instructions. You do also get a sachet of lube inside as well (just be warned, these have been around for a while now, and the pillow pack of iD lube I received with mine, supposedly expired in 2013…).
The case stands at around 8 inches tall and has a screw cap which reveals the soft, supple sleeve inside, which in this version, is shaped like a mouth with fangs (don’t worry, they are all super squishy). The lips are soft to the touch, and the mouth leads to a canal opening of just over 0.5 inches, making it nice and tight. The internal texture of this sleeve, is what I can only describe as ‘fang’ like (you’ll see what I mean in some pictures further down). There is also a screw cap base at the bottom which also helps control the suction as well.
I have to admit, the more I started at the mouth, and played with it’s soft lips, the more I was looking forward to slipping in and giving it a go.
Once you are ‘in the mood’, simply unscrew the cap, lube yourself and the inside of the sleeve with a good quality water-based lube (never use silicone or oil based lubes as they will deteriorate your sleeve) and then you can plunge your ‘stake’ deep into the Count’s ever ready mouth. As you enter, the lips surround your shaft and it’s really quite arousing to watch. As you drive deeper, the internal texture comes into play.
Inside, the texture is quite closely packed together, meaning that with every thrust and stroke, those stimulating nubs are working your shaft over all the way through. They looks like they are going to be sharp, but like the rest of the sleeve they are delightfully soft and squishy. However, this tightly packed structure did cause a minor issue – after a good 10 minutes of thrusting, the internal canal had almost completely dried up – because the texture is tighter, and there are a LOT of stimulating nubs, there is a much larger surface area inside, meaning it didn’t take long for the lube to have spread out to a point where it was just too thin, and wasn’t providing enough slipperiness.
I also found, that because the texture was quite tightly packed together, in order to get the best out of the suction, I did have to remove the cap, pretty much right off – as with the cap tight on, the suction was just way too strong – but once the cap was off, things glided along much smoother, and it felt amazing.
We love using things like this in the bedroom – we play together, and it’s great fun taking control of the stroker and using it on him and vice versa – and seeing the lips of this cock-thirsty ‘vampire’ did things to me that I never thought possible.
Now, whilst this blog is called ‘The Big Gay Review’, I do happen to know that a lot of ladies come here looking for toys for their husbands, the same way straight guys come here looking for toy reviews too – if the idea of plunging your penis into Count Cockula is just too much for you, you can by a ‘female’ version – the Succu Dry – however, just so you are aware – the only difference is the packaging – the sleeve and texture is almost identical – however for some people, that’s enough to make a difference.
Clean-up and Maintenance
As always, the Count is incredibly ‘fun’ to clean when finished. Simply remove the sleeve from the casing, and flush through with water and toy cleaner. Give the outside a good rinse as well and then leave to air dry, remembering to turn it inside out to ensure the inside dries as well as the outside – and because there are a lot of nubs inside, you’ll want to make sure you’ve completely flushed out all the lube and bodily fluids. Once dried, the sleeve will be very tacky, so just give it a light dusting of renewer powder, and this will return it to it’s soft, inviting texture – and then you can slip it back into case, ready for next time.
As Fleshjacks go, this is definitely a good one. If you gloss over the silly ‘Vampire’ gimmick, the texture inside does indeed feel wonderful, and it’s enhanced if you warm up the sleeve before use as well (although technically, if you want a really ‘realistic’ vampire experience, whack the sleeve in the fridge first). You do need to be careful as I did have to re-lube with this, something that I’ve not really had to do with other Fleshlight/Fleshjacks before – but it really is a load of fun – and seriously, I can’t help but sit there and just play around with those lips all day.
This particular unit has been around for a while, and there aren’t many places that stock it any more – so if you want one, id hurry up and get one in now!