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As I sit here, waiting to go to work, I was browsing through my profile at Lovehoney and saw that my first ever sex toy review I ever wrote was written all the way back in 2009. Realistically, it’s not that long ago, but it almost feels like a lifetime.

What struck me most about the first review I ever wrote, was how…. crap it was. I’d never written a product review before. I’d never owned sex toys before. I had no idea what sort of information people looked for when reading reviews. I was completely naive.

I definitely think we’ve come along way – so, for today – just for a giggle, here is the first sex toy review I ever wrote.

REVIEW: For The Boyz 12 Piece Gift Bag by Pipedream

Good Value and Great for Beginners

Review: 26 July 2009 by DavidB1986

Having never owned any form of sex toy before, we decided to take the plunge and order this gift bag to make a valentines night to remember.

The toys included are perfect for beginners – the mini butt plug is great for getting into anal play and isn’t as intimidating as some of the other toys on the site.

The masturbator sleeve was great and I was able to give my boyfriend* the best hand job** he’s had in ages!

The blindfold and handcuffs were great for getting into a little bit of light bondage, and the hot wax candle complements it perfectly!

Overall Rating: 3.5 stars out of 5

Pros: Good value, plenty of items to keep you entertained!

Cons: The masturbator sleeve had a funny smell*** and the blindfold didn’t fit properly.

Bottom Line: Recommended purchase for those who’ve wanted to try sex toys.

*he was my boyfriend at the time – we didn’t marry until 2012.

**I don’t know why I said that – my hand skills are incomparable.

***And now I know WHY it smelled funny! The difference a few years make. 

You can view the original review HERE.

How funny is that? Of course, many would argue that i’ve gone the complete opposite direction and now provide TOO MUCH information in some of my reviews, so i’m still trying to work out a nice healthy balance. But just think, it could be a whole lot worse.

Now, if I was to get that for review today – I would tear it a new one, because in hindsight – it was actually a truly terrible kit – but as first time sex toy owners, I was blinded by excitement. The butt plug was made from jelly rubber (NO!), the masturbator sleeve was some rubber concoction that smelt like burnt tires (NO!) – same with the cock ring. The anal beads were made from, I think, PVC (NO!). Everything else felt cheap and broke after just a few uses. Back then, I forgave it because I was young and foolish. Now I know better. I think.