I stumbled across a very interesting post on Reddit this morning which poses the following question:
Why are vibrators/dildos considered more socially acceptable than male sex toys (ie. fleshlights)?
And it got me thinking. As someone who has been using and reviewing sex toys for the past 5 years in various capacity, I’ve never really thought of it as anything but normal. Sex toys for men is a lucrative and growing market, in fact – if you look at any sex toy retailer, a large percentage of their catalogue will consist of toys for men – whether it’s masturbators, butt plugs, cock rings, prostate toys etc.
But there is a stigma attached to male sex toys, one that I wasn’t really aware of (nor would I have ever paid attention to it) because it’s completely ridiculous.
So why does this stigma exist? Well, to be honest – it’s open to interpretation. The idea that a man who uses a sex toy is considered a ‘creep’ whereas a woman who uses a dildo or vibrator is somehow empowered – the whole thing just confuses me.
I think the problem with a lot of it for me, is that certain manufacturers produce deliberately misogynistic products marketed towards men. Pipedream, for example, is a company who produce line after line of products which objectify women as purely sexual objects. They over-stepped the mark when they released their ‘J-Law’ love doll, which was cashing in on the awful hacking scandal from a few months back. Profiting from a sex crime is NEVER OK – but I think it’s products like this which basically ‘tar’ the whole male sex toy market. (Note: I have not linked to their products here as I don’t want to provide any more traffic than I already have – but google will help you here).
I just want to say – it is totally OK and NORMAL for a man to use sex toys, just as it’s totally OK and NORMAL for a woman to use a sex toy. Using a sex toy does not make you a creep. It does not make you inept. It doesn’t mean that you can’t get a woman if you use sex toys. It’s TOTALLY OK!! And the great thing is – you don’t even have to be single to take advantage of sex toys – it’s becoming common place for couples to utilise toys into their regular bedroom activities – and that is just GREAT.
There are plenty of companies out their that don’t rely on stereotypical or misogynistic beliefs, who are producing some amazing and incredible toys for men.
TENGA – A brand synonymous with masturbation, this Japanese company have been producing masturbation toys for over a decade. And the best thing? The toys they produce are completely gender-neutral. No asses or pussies here. We’ve reviewed several TENGA products on the blog; Flip Hole, TENGA 3D and Air-Tech masturbators.
Hot Octopuss – The makes of the world’s first ‘guybrator’. Their PULSE masturbator is a revolution in not only masturbation, but it is helping couples get closer, by creating a toy that both partners can enjoy at the same time. We’ve reviewed the original PULSE and in the next couple of weeks, we’ll be reviewing the PULSE II DUO. This is a company who is all about unity and equality, and recently launched their #SexNotStigma campaign.
L’Amourose – A high-end luxury vibrator company, who are producing toys for men and women, and not a single sight of a scantily clad model anywhere! Their toys are designed to be unisex – The Rosa, for example is both a G-Spot vibrator and a P-Spot toy. I have yet to come across another company who is producing toys of this calibre and quality – absolutely nothing ‘creepy’ or ‘sordid’ here – just DAMN GOOD VIBRATORS! We also looked at the Rosa Rouge too.
Tantus – a US based company producing top quality, 100% body safe dildos, butt plugs and cock rings (to name a few) for EVERYONE! No bull-shit marketing here – it’s all about the product (which speaks for itself). And I’ve yet to find a blogger who has anything but praise for this wonderful company. In the past, we’ve had a look at one of their Butt Plugs, a cock ring, a prostate massager and a few of their dildos (Throb, Splash, Goddess).
Update: Friday 19th February 2016
I feel that I need come back and update this because once again, a potentially harmful article has made it’s way online, calling out male sex toys as ‘creepy’. You know, I thought we were getting to a point where the stigma surrounded sex toys, and indeed, male sex toys was at a new low – especially thanks to LELO pushing their prostate pleasure campaign.
Todays article is simply titled ‘Why are Men’s Sex Toys so Creepy’.
Why are male sex toys so creepy? https://t.co/H1HthWQ5Ps
— GQ Magazine (@GQMagazine) February 19, 2016
If you don’t want to head over and read the full article, here’s a few choice quotes:
a private shame club with a single member—mine. I begin the familiar rhythm and I realize: This ain’t so bad. Time passes. Soon enough the vibrations coax out what remains of my pride.
The author is talking about using the PULSE by Hot Octopuss. First of all, at no point does the author attempt to even justify why they feel ‘ashamed’ of using a sex toy. Because, wait for it – there IS NO SHAME in using a sex toy. Just how there is no shame in NOT using a sex toy. It all comes down to personal taste and preference. If you don’t like the idea of using sex toys, then don’t use one! Simple! There’s no need to use generalising statements to potentially put down those people who do happen to enjoy using sex toys.
So why can’t we shake the feeling that jerk-off gadgets belong only in the dark, deviant corners of the Internet?
Because you keep talking about male sex toys with a negative tone. You are helping enforce the idea that male sex toys are to be ashamed off and hidden away. You know, I can forgive the comments about the AutoBlow 2. That is indeed, a terrible piece of equipment, but it should not be some sort of marker that all other male sex toys are measured against. Don’t tarnish everything with the same brush!
The novelty turns into predictability, and the by-product is a deep, sticky sadness. I like a little kink, yet I can’t help but feel that getting “kinky” by oneself evokes a different word: pathetic.
Masturbation is 100% natural. It’s even prevalent in the animal kingdom as well. Getting your rocks off by yourself feels fucking amazing. Using a sex toy, like TENGA Flip-Hole, turns it from AMAZING to OH MY GOD, I AM IN NIRVANA. I’m sorry that you personally feel ‘pathetic’ whilst using a sex toy, but this doesn’t mean that sex toys are creepy, nor should we be made to feel bad to use them. If you don’t like it, that’s not a problem.
The idea of a woman pleasuring herself conjures notions of sensuality, discovery, and tenderness. There’s elegance to it. Now picture some guy jacking off. (Sorry.) Slovenly and craven, right?
Naturally, I may be biased – but the image of a dude jacking one off is pretty hot in my book. But you know, that’s me.
The disembodied holes meant for men are tucked away, because investing too much care (and money) in replicating the female form is creepy
Listen, new levels of satisfaction don’t come in a canister. Those are locked away in your imagination, where you hide the fantasies your parents, your priest, and public decency have forced you to repress. If you still want to fuck a whirring bucket of matzo-ball soup, go for it. But these toys do not deliver the space-wank they promise
So I can’t even begin to really understand the level of contradiction here. So earlier, he mentioned that women using sex toys conjurs a notion of sensuality and discovery. Yet if you are a man ‘discovering’ yourself and your body using sex toys – you are creepy. NO. JUST NO. That’s is not how it works.
Besides, unlike women, for whom a toy can be incredibly helpful in achieving orgasm, guys are fine without accessories
And we finish on a final face palm. Another crock of shit. The PULSE – the very product he threw away towards the begin of the article has proven to be successful in helping men who suffer from erectile dysfunction to achieve the erections (and orgasms) they long thought they would never be able to achieve – and all without medication as well. The same way that for many women, sex toys are not a necessity, but for many others, they have indeed helped achieve an orgasm. It goes both ways.
I think I’ve made my point. To be honest, what you do behind closed doors is your business, and your business alone anyway – so FUCK what anyone else thinks about you. But I just want you to know – You are not a creep. If you want to diddle yourself with a dildo, or bugger yourself with a butt plug – GO AHEAD AND DO IT! There are LOADS of men and women out there who are doing the exact same thing, and I guarantee they are having a damn good time doing it, and don’t give a shit about what anyone else thinks.