There comes a time when I have to admit defeat; I do my best to give every product that comes through our bedroom a fair shot. But sometimes, no matter how many times I try – I just have to accept that a product is just not that good. And as much as I hate having to write a less than ‘glowing’ review; its got to be done.
I have a lot of time and respect for SheVibe as a retailer; I’ve always appreciated how they’ve set themselves apart from the simply hundreds of erotic retailers online. Inclusive, diverse and they always have a fantastic selection of products. They asked if I would be happy to give my opinion on the Cyclone Oral Sex Masturbator; and as I relish every opportunity to work with SheVibe (and it’s been an absolute AGE since we have) I was more than happy to oblige.
The Cyclone arrived promptly, along with a couple of other items (reviews coming soon). My experiences with ‘spinning’ toys have not been… the best. But I’m always open to try and the Cyclone at least looked like it might have the potential. So I put the toy on to charge and then patiently waited for the lights to stop blinking…
The Cyclone Oral Sex Masturbator arrives in a simple cardboard box, and inside you’ll find the Cyclone, a USB charging cable and a basic instruction manual. The Cyclone consists of a clear chamber with an opening that’s been designed to look like a pair of lips. Inside, you’ll find a series of nodules and bumps coating the entire inner surface. The cyclone is operated by a set of buttons on the handle; these control the rotations and vibrations.
The Cyclone sleeve is made from stretchy TPE and has quite a firm feeling (which already had me feeling a little nervous). The device is quite lightweight and feels comfortable in the hand. Charging takes about 2 and a half hours, and this will give you around about an hour of playtime. It can also be disassembled for cleaning (as the base of the unit is not waterproof). There are 5 modes of rotation and 10 modes of vibration.
I’m going to preface this review by saying I don’t know what sort of oral sex the inventor of this device has been having; but I can assure you they’ve been doing it wrong. The fact this toy calls itself an oral sex masturbator is just an absolute joke. But let’s take it back a step and I’ll take you through the most horrifying masturbation session in recent memory.
I took myself away and locked myself in the bedroom. I stripped down, grabbed a bottle of lube and got comfortable on the bed. I fired up some porn on the old TV and I reached for the Cyclone. After the visual stimulation had done it’s job, I liberally coated my penis and the inside of the cyclone with a generous helping of lube. Before I switched it on, I spent a few seconds just slipped the Cyclone over the tip of my shaft (the Cyclone is designed to focus all of it’s attention on the first 4 inches of your dick). I could certainly feel those notches. Well, here goes nothing… and I switched it on.
In what universe this is meant to feel like a blow job; I can safely say I never want to go there. My biggest issue with devices like this is the spinning just doesn’t feel… nice. The firmness of the TPE nodules made this feel like I was sticking my cock into a blender. It felt like hundreds of sharp little teeth gnashing at my sensitive parts. I thought maybe I wasn’t using enough lube; so I applied more.. so much so the mouth was now ‘drooling’ down my knob (ok, points for realism I guess?). But even the comical dose of lubricant still couldn’t stop this from feeling like it was trying to chew my bell end off.
I could maybe see the appeal if the speeds were a little slower than what’s on offer here. However even the lowest speed here just feels uncomfortable. And don’t even get me started on the pointless vibrations. There is a little bullet that sits right in the centre of the bottom of the shaft; and you literally cannot feel it except right on the very tip of your penis. The vibrations just aren’t strong enough to really do anything, and honestly shouldn’t just even be there. Over the course of a few days, I tried everything to try and make this feel enjoyable but I just had to accept defeat and finally realise that spinning masturbators are absolutely not my cup of tea.
Clean-up and Maintenance
The Cyclone disassembles into 2 parts for easy cleaning; you just pull the ‘mouth’ away from the handle and then it can be rinsed with some soap and water. The handle can just be wiped over with a barely damp cloth to remove any fluids. There’s no storage bag included but to be honest; this isn’t something that’s making it’s way into my permanent collection so… yeah.
Listen, I don’t like writing these reviews and I really wish that this had worked out for me. But the concept just doesn’t really work. The speed is too fast; the material is just a little too firm and it just gets so very messy. In its defence, it’s at least well made and very quiet. But ultimately, it fails at the core of its purpose – it’s not pleasurable. Maybe if you are someone who enjoys a lot of intense sensation; this could be great for you. But for me; this will definitely be heading into the deepest, darkest recesses of my sex toy graveyard (aka the Loft Space).
Where to Buy
I would like to thank SheVibe for sending us the Cyclone Oral Sex Masturbator free of charge in exchange for an honest review. Affiliate links have been used in this post. If you want to help keep the blog running, please consider making your purchases through these links! It doesn’t cost you any extra and all money made goes back into the blog. And my doggos. But mostly the blog. Thank you! x
The Lowdown | Cyclone Oral Sex Masturbator
Pros: It’s cheap (ish).
Cons: Personally, I find the sensation borders on painful. Speed too fast and TPE too firm. Vibrations are also so lacklustre they are almost non-existent.
Bottom Line: I honestly cannot find anything positive about this other than it was at least well made. But yeah, it just didn’t feel good. Like, at all.