Massage plays a huge part in our bedroom repertoire, for a number of reasons. Firstly, when i’ve been on my feet all day, a good all over massage helps me relax and feel rejuvenated. Also, it’s excellent foreplay.
I love nothing more than sliding all over each other, as our skin glistens with beautifully scented oil. When done correctly, it can really get the motor running! When Harmony contacted me to review some items for them, I had a good browse through their range of products dedicated to Erotic Massage, and found a couple of oils that on paper, sounded like they would tick all the boxes.
I settled on the Bijoux Indiscrets Light My Fire Massage oils because, and this is where I have to admit how shallow I sometimes can be; the bottles looked pretty. Glass bottles with little bows. So gorgeous! Also, the scents appealed to my sweet tooth; Dark Chocolate and Citrus and Wild Strawberry and Honey. I was so extremely looking forward to having a long and sensual massage session with these oils; sadly, it was not meant to be. So let’s read on and find out what went wrong…
The oils are packaged wonderfully, I have to admit. The gold box with delicate floral artwork does give them an element of ‘high class’ and this appeals to me greatly. I’ve said it before, and i’ll say it again; I am definitely a packaging whore (I appreciate a well put together package). I’ve said package quite a lot now. I’m sorry. Let’s open the… erm, box?
Inside the well crafted paper storage systems are the bottles of oil. They are sturdy and solid glass bottles with minimal labelling and a pretty little black bow stuck to the front of the bottle. Another nice little touch I noted, was the black and white prints of butterflies and birds printed on the inside of the box. I mean, i’m not entirely sure what they have to do with sensual massage, but it’s better than looking at a blank space?
There is a small amount of construction required before you can use the oils. That’s right. They are sold without the pumps fitted; you you need to unscrew the small lid on the bottle, remove the black stopper and then insert the pump into the bottle and screw into place. Then you are good to go. The oils are ‘warming’ so when gently blown, they create a sudden burst of heat wherever the oil has been applied.
I really wish I had paid more attention to the ingredients of the oil. I have a feeling that had I known beforehand, I wouldn’t have chosen them; let this be a lesson to you – don’t be fooled by a pretty package! However, it’s up to me to objectively review, and I will because that’s why you guys keep coming back to read.
Dark Chocolate and Citrus Oil
The first oil that we tried out was the Dark Chocolate and Citrus. When I gave it a sniff for the very first time, I was immediately reminded of one of my favourite LUSH shower gels; Sonic Death Monkey. It was a coffee, chocolate and lime based gel, and there was an instant familiarity when I first smelled the oil. Subsequent sniffs soon made it harder to actually place the scent. It didn’t really smell like chocolate. It didn’t really smell citrusy. There was a definite sweetness there, but it was almost, for a lack of a better word, medicinal.
However, I lay on the bed with the lighting dimmed low, ready to receive an amazing massage. The MR dispensed some oil into his hand, and his first immediate comments were ‘Oh, this is more… syrupy than oily..’. He began to work it into my back, and I could tell right away that something was not quite right. “It’s erm, really sticky” he said. I could feel that his hands were not gliding over my skin as smoothly as they usually do when using oil. “That’s odd… maybe it just needs to warm up?”. And so, he kept working the oil but it never got any looser. If anything, it got stickier.
On the plus side, the scent was mildly pleasant and when he blew over my back, a satisfying warmth spread across my skin, following the path of his breath. It was genuinely quite nice. And yet, my back felt heavy and greasy. Where regular oil is slowly absorbed by the skin over time, this just dried and went ‘tacky’. Taste wise, it was… OK. It has that tang of saccharine sweetness that most flavoured products have, but here, it wasn’t quite as ‘icky’.
A quick look at the ingredients of the oil confirmed why we were having issues.
Ingredients: Glycerin, Aroma, Aqua, Panax Ginseng Root Extract, Sodium Saccharine, Sodium Benzoate, Potassium Sorbate, Caramel.
Can you spot the issue? Yeah, that’s right; there is absolutely NO Oil in this massage ‘oil’ at all! Most oils i’ve used have some sort of oil base. This one has used glycerin for it’s base. This is what is giving it the sticky, syrupy consistency. What an absolute let down. This meant that when it came to using the other oil, I already knew we were in for disappointment.
Wild Strawberry and Honey
As the Mr got into position, I double checked the ingredients for the Wild Strawberry and Honey oil and noted that the ingredients were almost the same, except there is no caramel in this one, and it has 2 ‘colourants’ added to give the oil a sort of ‘pink/orange’ hue.
This oil has the same syrupy consistency as the other oil, but this one definitely has a much stronger scent; one that immediately took me back to my childhood. It sort of smells like those classic strawberry laces that you used to get. It’s very sweet, and almost candy like in scent. The taste (like the other oil) is also not bad, considering it’s made with saccharine; but here, the scent helps enhance the flavour. Still, I wouldn’t go overboard and eat too much – but when grazing sensitive nipples with the tongue, it’s not unpleasant.
As I worked the oil into the Mr.s back, in order to get any kind of decent movement, I had to coat his back in oil, but the end result was just sticky. And hairy. No, we absolutely did not like this as massage oil. At all. NEXT!
Is there any hope?
Despite it’s complete failure as an actual massage oil, I did still enjoy the warm sensations created by the oil, and figure that it could be used in alternative ways; for example teasing the nipples, or maybe the tip of a cock? Just don’t go overboard and please be aware that this oil contains some ingredients that might not be suitable for sensitive vulva/vaginas; so be careful.
Would I recommend this? No, in all honesty, I wouldn’t. As massage oils go, it was terrible. It’s just far to thick and sticky, and I ended up needing to shower afterwards because it just felt so… heavy on the skin. The scents are pleasant and they taste… OK. The warming sensation is about their only saving grace (oh, alongside the beautifully packaged bottles).
Where to Buy
If you would still like to give the Bijoux Indiscrets Light My Fire Massage Oil a try, you can order them from Harmony where they are £15.99 a bottle: Dark Chocolate and Citrus / Wild Strawberry and Honey / Soft Caramel.
The Bijoux Indiscrets Light My Fire Massage Oil was sent to use free of charge in exchange for an honest review by Harmony. This does not affect our experiences with this or any other product we receive for review. Affiliate links have been used in this post. Please consider supporting the blog by making your purchases through them. Just remember to clear your cookies before you click! Thanks!
The Lowdown | Bijoux Indiscrets Light My Fire Warming Massage Oil
Pros: Nice warming sensation, pleasant aroma and didn’t taste too bad either.
Cons: Nothing like oil in any sense of the word, sticky, dries out too quickly… not very romantic at all.
Bottom Line: A massage oil needs… well, OIL. This warming bottle of glycerine did not fulfill it’s requirements, and shall therefore languish at the bottom of a drawer until the end of time.